Picture me sitting down for a lovely meal with some of my favourite humans. I’m all excited to catch up on the latest goss but the looming decision of what to eat is before me.
Cue the internal insane convo I have with myself:
Hmmm, what the hell should I eat?
I’m sooooo flippin hungry I could eat my left arm but that’s probably frowned upon in public. I really should have had a snack before coming out to dinner, it’s going to take ages for the food to come out so maybe I should order some bread to start? Dammit no Elise! No bread you fool- remember how bloated you’ll feel? What’s that saying ? A moment on the lips but forever on the hips?
Ok ok, focus, it looks like everyone else has already decided what to order, because they are normal people who don’t have need to obsess over a simple choice about what the hell they are eating!
Ugh, alright so maybe I get the burger but only eat half the bun!? But then I’m that guy who eats her burger with a knife and fork…and nobody likes that guy. Ok so maybe the ceaser salad is a better option- but didn’t I read something the other day saying that the dressing on salads is often worse than eating a burger and chips or something?
What if I get it without the croutons and with the dressing on the side that makes it resemble rabbit food a bit more? ‘Cause that’s clearly the goal right? To eat like a bunny?!
No stuff that, last time I did that I was starving in an hours time and I got super tipsy, so not necessarily the worst outcome.
Crap! Ok, I’ve got it… what about the burger sans bun, I’ll sub a salad for the fries and then I’ll make sure I get up early for that ass kicking barre class tomorrow am.
Who the hell do I think I am, the bloody Queen of England? I’m now the most high-maintenance customer on the planet and who am I really kidding. I’ll probably feel like shit no matter what I eat and spend the rest of the evening figuring out how to burn off those guilty cals regardless.
Ok so scratch that.
Dear god I’m hungry! This is full on Hanger people. Sound the alarms!
Maybe I’ll just get the bread now and then I’ll be able to think more clearly. For fucks sake now I’m feeling a bit woozy, how much water have I had to drink today? Probably not nearly enough. Oh shit, I think Jess just cracked a joke – everyones’ laughing and looking at me…was it about me?
Should I just laugh and play along. Do you think they know that I haven’t been listening to one second of anything they’ve been saying? Shit Elise, sort your life out and just fricken decide what to eat! It really shouldn’t be this hard!
If you’re anything like me, you’ve experienced this conversation in your head one too many times.
I, of all people, GET IT. (I mean check out that cray cray convo above..awkward to say the least).
I’ve circled through that convo more times than I’d like to admit.
Luckily it’s taught me a thing or two and I’ve come out the other side with a lot of experience and knowledge and I’ve learned a hellofalot about myself and the human psyche in the mean time!
The good news?
I’m living proof that it doesn’t have to be that hard AND (spoiler alert) it isn’t once you know the in’s and outs of how to eat for YOUR body.
Once you two are back on the same team, deciding what to eat is easier than saying “yes” to dessert.
And guess what else- you’re allowed to have dessert!
So if you’re ready to have your cake (and quite literally) eat it too whilst still smashing out ‘dem bod goals hit me up at firstname.lastname@example.org and let’s set you up with a FREE mini consult to get you back being able to hang out over dinner like a normal person again.
There are only 7 spots my little restauranteurs and it’s first in best dressed. So hop on over if your ready for this jelly!
Paleo Vs. Vegan- My consensus is…………………
*DRUM ROLL PLEASE*
IT DOESN’T F’ING MATTER
Nope, no need for a double take, you read that right.
I could sit here and spout out lots of gloriously detailed info as to why YOU should perhaps eat a certain way.
I could easily lay out the pro’s and con’s of eating Vegan or eating Paleo and I could even give you some hints as to which style of eating might work best for you.
This would all be find and dandy except for the fact that I know you’re beyond that.
After all, a quick google search would accomplish that for you faster than you can say ‘gluten-free-sugar-free-dairy-free *insert wanky treat here*’.
And I have a inkling that you’ve already done that. In fact I KNOW you’ve done that.
You’ve researched plenty, scratching your head and tried for the life of you to figure out what the flying fuck you should be eating to make this whole “balanced lifestyle” crap actually feel anything other than completely and utterly baffling.
The more you research, the more complex it all starts to seem. Are grains the devil?
Can you actually get all of the nutrients you need if you’re a vegan?
Navigating through Dr Google feels as though everything you ever thought you knew about your body and how to fuel it is now foggier than the first day of that juice cleanse you did last month.
Well guess what.
None of it even matters. Not.one.single.bit.
That’s right. I’m telling you that it doesn’t matter what you eat.
People have lost weight eating Vegan and people have lost weight eating Paleo.
But you know what else?
People have gained weight eating Vegan and gained weight eating paleo.
I have also had clients the felt bloody amazing eating paleo and yup you guessed it felt incredible eating vegan.
I’ve personally experimented with both and felt great AND terrible at different times.
So if it doesn’t matter what you eat or what special diet you follow what in all that is green and holy does matter???
HOW AND WHY your eating.
These two explorations are the ultimate game-changers.
They enable you to cut through your crap, they force you to pay attention to what’s REALLY stopping you from becoming the beaming, bright-eyed babe you KNOW you’re meant to be.
The chick who is able to finally stop the stress and obsess over her food because there are SO many more important things to be spending her time on.
And that’s just the beginning. Let me help you navigate through the noise to help YOU become the expert of your bod. It’s like one of those create-your-own-adventure/endings-books (remember those?). Let’s put YOU back in the driver’s seat of your health goals and kick the excuses to the kerb.
If you’re keen to take that jump, email me at email@example.com to apply for a VIP coaching spot and let’s get all Nike on that shiz (minus the sweatshops)!
Once upon a time there was a girl who LOVED to eat cheese and have a cheeky glass of wine…..
Most days, when 5 o’clock hit she would think about eating cheese and drinking wine on beautiful patios in the sunshine while chatting and gossiping with her bestest gal pals.
One day she realised that all of the cheese and wine she was drinking was making her feel so bloated she wondered if she was pregnant. She felt lacklustre, and blah and it was getting harder and harder to drag her butt out of bed to pilates in the am.
Then she started to notice that her jeans were getting extra tight and that beautiful Zimmerman dress she bought to go to her bff’s wedding was no longer zipping up!
Because of that she decided that enough was enough and she needed to go on a cleanse. So she decided to cut out all of the bad food in her diet. Actually she thought stuff it I need to fit into this dress in 4 weeks why not cut out food altogether, because nothing tastes as good as skinny feels right?
Because of that, she did great for about 7 days and then found herself wrist deep in a frantic brie breakdown, (with a big glass of pinot of course).
She felt wrought with guilt and angry at herself for caving and being pathetically weak in the will power department. So she started right back up on her cleanse and got back on that juice horse (or something like that).
Things were going great until she caved again, and started ANOTHER 7 day cleanse because THIS was the one that was finally going to work.
THIS cleanse had all of the answers and she would finally be food-worry free and drop those last 3 kilos to squeeze into that dress again.
Everything was going great because THIS was the magic program that would allow her to never have to worry about how she looked and felt ever again!
Until finally she fell off the wagon yet again.
This time she was so disheartened, she felt like Eeyore from Whinny the Poo. And she wasn’t much fun to be around because she was starting to sound like him.
She was completely ready to give up on the hope of ever feeling good in her body again and was about to accept the fact that she would either have to live the rest of her life on a diet seesaw or simply go up a dress size every year.
But guess what? That girl woke up the next day (with a mighty fine red wine hangover) and realised that her life was quickly spiralling into a bad episode of Sex and the City and that she was not ready to devote the rest of her life to constantly battling shitty hangovers and then lemon water diets to achieve the elusive “balance” everyone was hashtagging about!
And that’s exactly what she did- but it certainly wasn’t overnight.
It took her about 7 years of nutrition, psychology study and a whole lot of personal trial and error but she got there and it felt undeniably good.
She was finally able to eat ALL OF THE FOODS SHE LOVED (including cheese & wine) but without the guilt, the overindulgence, the crappy hangovers and pregnant looking belly.
She was so blown away by her discoveries and she realised that her mission in life was to share her journey and teach other women how to get there a hell of a lot faster than it took her.
In case you haven’t figured it out yet, that girl my loves, is me (insert sheepish face).
Back to Basics and Beyond is basically my life’s journey of trial and error summarised and laid out for you to tackle what I did in about 7 years in an easy to digest, step by step 6 week supercharged program.
AND due to popular demand enrolment is now open until the 10th of Nov and we’re kicking off on the 12th.
So if that girl resonated with you even in the slightest, trust me when I say I GET IT AND THERE IS A BETTER WAY.
Grab the deets and sign up or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you have any questions at all.
99 days left and “soon” isn’t one of them
How much time today alone will you spend worrying about what to put into your mouth?
If you are anything like me, I used to spend a whole lot of time obsessing and stressing about what I did or didn’t put into my pie hole.
How much time do you think that’s added up to be over the past year?
Seriously, take a moment here to think about it – I’ll wait right here…
Ok so you’ve done the quick sums- it’s a bit scary hey?
So tell me again how you don’t have enough “time” to prioritise your health?
Yes, that was sarcasm you smelt.
I’m willing to guess you’re already investing a whole lot of time into you health and wellbeing (through stressing and obsessing) but it’s not getting you anywhere, In fact your making it harder on yourself to move ahead by staying in the same stuck patterns and with every failed attempt your self-esteem and you self belief drops a little bit lower.
As my homeboy Einstein said “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result”
So yes I’m calling you crazy if you think you’ll suddenly drop those last 5 kilos, or if you think you’ll miraculously have the ability to find effortless balance and be proud to wear that cute little zimmerman number at your bff’s wedding in November by using the same old methods that you have been.
There is less than 99 days left to the end of the year and how boring is that same new years resolution getting?
How much energy do you think you spend stressing about what you ate or beating yourself up about it?
My guess is a hell of a lot and I KNOW how draining and tired you’re feeling just thinking about how you need to quit sugar, dairy, bread, drinks and god forbid- chocolate to get the confidence and bod you deserve.
Because I’ve been there and done that and trust me – with those methods you’re going to be sitting at home, annoyed that you don’t trust yourself enough to go out for “just a few” because you’re afraid that you end up hoovering down a kebab faster than you can say “diet starts monday” 😉
But guess what- it doesn’t have to be like that. I’ve done the leg work, I’ve starved myself, cut sugar, gluten and ended up in the same place I started in weeks (if not days) later. The worst part? It didn’t get me any closer to my #bodgoals it just made me hate my body even more and keep up the struggle cycle.
Why am I telling you this?
Because I’m hoping you’ll listen.
I”m hoping that you’ll save yourself a good 5 years (I’m a slow learner ok?) and cut to the chase to find effortless balance and peace with your food and body!
I know it’s completely possible for you because I’ve done the leg work and I’ve streamlined the f&*k out of that bioach so that you don’t have to struggle as much as I did. And really because I wish there had been something like this for me 5 years ago.
Because life is WAY to short to waste all your bloody energy counting carbs and skipping dessert!!
I know you, because I also used to be stuck.
I know you’ve got big plans and big dreams but worrying about this trivial crap is holding you back from doing any of it – and it’s time you stepped up.
So will you?
If your ready for an afternoon of smashing through limiting mindsets and dipping your toes in mindful eating sign up for one of my upcoming workshops:
Sat Oct.1st @bohemeandbody sign up: www.elisedanielle.com/events
or Sunday Oct.9th @ritualyogaand pilates – email them at email@example.com